I hit rock bottom again.

2026… I have some choice words for you.

This is not the update I wanted to give at the start of a new year. Instead of beginning new treatments and starting the year strong, I’ve been in and out of the hospital four times since January 1st—and it’s only the 8th. Talk about rock bottom.

Over the last 18 months, I’ve had a central line in my neck, a surgical port in my chest, and multiple midlines and PICC lines in my arms to deliver medicine and fluids into my body through my heart.

Unfortunately, after having the port in my chest for the past year, it failed and I started going septic this past week. After three different blood clots in the catheter over the last few months—and begging doctors to remove the port from my body while being assured it was malfunctioning but “not dangerous” to leave in—on Saturday I ended up in the ER with a high fever, high liver enzymes, and a heart rate of 205 (talk about tachy, baby). Yesterday, I had the port surgically removed.

I am beyond despair. This not only means I don’t currently have IV access, but I also can’t start my next phase of treatment as planned today. I’ll be getting another PICC line placed at the end of the month so we can hopefully begin IVIG in February—but if I’m being honest, I’m tired of the bullshit and I don’t have the energy to filter my words so people don’t think I’m negative.

I’m tired of medical devices in my body. I’m tired of needing medication to survive. I’m tired of doctors not listening. I’m tired of hospital visits. I’m tired of living in pain and vertigo. I’m tired of being sick and tired. (On the bright side…I don’t have a wire in my neck for the first time in a year🥳)

I’ve given these last two years everything I have, and my tank is empty. Migraines and vertigo are constant and I’m nearly completely bed bound. All I can do now is hope and pray healing comes soon. I believe in a loving God, and I don’t know what the heck his plan is I just have to keep believing that he has one.

I try to lead with faith and optimism—but today, I’m pissed. I’m exhausted. Everyone always tells me I’m so positive, and I’m sorry if this isn’t the motivational post you’re used to seeing from me. Since so many people have been asking for an update, this felt like the best most honest way to give one.

Here’s to hoping my next update is less painful and more hopeful. Thanks for giving me a place to keep it real. 🤍🌞 - cmg

#rockbottom #faith #chronicillness #migraine #lymedisease #brainonfire